I am A "Missionary Mom"~by Anna Carbone

I'm just a missionary mom

I'm just a missionary mom. I have a child out. What is she (he) doing today? Did you get enough to eat? Did you sleep well? Is your companion your best friend? Were you warm enough today? Do your feet ache after a rough day? These are my thoughts all day long, because I love you, because I worry, because I am a missionary mom.

Did you see my child today? Did she (he) knock on your door? Did you offer her (him) something cool to drink? Or did you slam the door? Please don't be angry with my child. She (he) is just serving the Lord. Please don't cuss at my child, she (he) is there trying to help you get to God someday. I think of these things because I am a missionary mom.

Did you know, that Monday is my day too? I sit and wait for your email! I want to hear, did you have any baptisms this week? Did you teach the Gospel? Did you feel the spirit today? Were your appointments successful? I wait breathless, because I am a missionary mom.

Were you able to get fed today? Did you laugh and take a deep breathe? Were you able just to see God's work all around you in each face, each cloud, and every child? I see art work that God has done with you, because I am a missionary mom.

Each letter I write, each package that I send to you, I wonder, did you like it? did that make you happy? Did it give you a little love from home? I do this for you because I am a missionary mom.

Each day I am on my knees asking God to protect you and your companion, and all the missionaries all around the world. I have other moms who are my friends, because they too are missionary moms. We pray for you, miss you, love you and think of you every day, because we are missionary moms. I love you my child, because I am a Missionary Mom!

Anna Carbone

HI everyone!
Its been since Mother's day that I haven't been on here to write! I have been busy, which is a good thing!

Let me tell you what an amazing 3 months have been. I joined a facebook group called "Missionary Momma's (may have mentioned that before). They have gotten me through my moments of pure terror, insecurity, questions (which I am sure I still have) laughter and have totally accepted me into their fold of love. They understand what I am going through, because they too have a son or daughter that is out on a mission.

This group eventually morphed into another group called Retreat for Missionary Momma's, which of course I was on, reading about an upcoming retreat. I got the call, that a few 'missionary momma angels" wanted to pay for me to come out~ WOW, why? Why would they want to pay for "ME" to come out? That was the question running through my head. I am just like you, and you. it did run through my head, why? I was amazed at the generosity. I knew I could NOT afford to go on my own. And here are my angles who thought enough of me on posts ONLY to send me out. WOW, just WOW.

 Marcene was my first telephone friend lol. She was the one who called me, and just asked "Would you come to our retreat if you could"? That started the ball rolling~

This past weekend, I got to meet about 250 of them on a retreat in Salt Lake City, UT. Yup, I landed at that mother ship~LOL This was totally out of my comfort box. I was going to a place I had never been before, to meet women I have never met or had seen their faces, to a retreat for LDS moms, and I am not LDS. So...it was amazing!! ;) Yes, I landed in the mother ship, the MECCA in Salt Lake City! LOL

I began my journey with 2 moms Auralea, and Jill greeting me at the airport, to which they video taped me getting off~ lol. I was surprised, and very happy that 'someone' was there for me! We went to greet Laura, but I got sidetracked by an Elder coming home, which I wanted to watch...and I did with tears rolling down my face, because in a little less than 15 months, I will be that mother, who will be greeting my daughter Angelena~

That was the start of my amazing weekend~ Now, granted, people who know me very well, expressed that I learn to use my mouth filter while there. I tend to say exactly what I mean, and sometimes I have a potty mouth. So just to let you know, I didn't say anything bad nor did I drop any F bombs and I hope that I didn't offend all my new friends this past weekend. LOL

The tour started at the Mecca of SLC. hehe. Amazing place to visit even if you are not Mormon. Its a beautiful city. I told someone that last night, and she was like really, I didn't like it at all, I didn't feel comfortable. I asked why, she said it was because she felt pressured. Well, I didn't, so there.  I went to Temple Square, I saw the Temple. Even if you are not Mormon, its an amazing site to behold. This is NO different than seeing where the Pope lives ya know?? They took me to the visiters center, where there was a large statue of Christ, it was amazing. I went to listen to the GIANT organ, and got into trouble for talking are you surprised? Yup a sister missionary shuuuushhhed me LOL We left right after that~ On to the rental house, where there were lots of MM's there~

But this was the 'fun" part for Friday night. We had all planned (I think 62 women) at the Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. I told them I would be wearing my Wisconsin shirt that Angelena sent to me. Well.............this is what I heard "Is that Anna, is that her'!!I had a place at a table, and my group had to find another table in which to sit, I felt bad for them. I finally got to meet my other 'phone friends" Lisa P and Lisa S (Lisa's daughter is serving in Parker now, but I got to mother her for a few months and I adore her) who I LOVE LOVE by the way! Lisa and I sat together that night. But I was going to table to table to take a few photos, say hello and get hugs. Need I say more? It was so loving and uplifting for little ol'e me.

Saturday was AMAZING~~ The women who put this retreat together, deserve a medal, they did an excellent job. We had mission presidents and their spouses (only 1 each guys, this is not the fanatic LDS group lol)!! They spoke volumes for me, because they talked about giving your child to them for 18-24 months, that they are serving God, their "BOSS" and we will GET THEM BACK~ I think that tiny little statement had me more relaxed than anyone had to say to me over the last few months. Oh did i mention she has 15 months left?? LOL Yes, I say how long to anyone who will listen. They also mentione that in case of emergency, that these missionaries will be out of harms way...so very happy to hear that~  We had the most amazing speakers, that brought us all to tears and laughter. We had the Nashville Tribute Band play for us, and of course that brought on the 'ugly cry" lol.
The girls said it was the 'spirit' surrounding me with all the feelings of love, happiness and acceptance". Well, I have to believe that 'something' was with me, because Saturday night after chatting with my friends until 2am, I COULD NOT SLEEP~.

Sunday, I went to the "Spoken Word" with the MOTAB choir, that was so amazing. I thought maybe I might fall asleep because I didn't get much sleep, but no, I was awake and alert~ Then lunch and back home~

But the most wonderful, amazing part was meeting my new friends. ;) They love me even though I am not LDS, they didn't care! OH sure, the teasing began "Anna just put a toe in the water, then a leg, I am sure we can find an Elder or two to help you"! LOL But they were there to give much needed hugs, love and acceptance. I want to thank all of you for this!! ;) It was the most amazing day of my life!

I want to end this with a plea again. If these young men and women come to your door, please please don't be offensive or mean to them. Their BOSS is GOD, and they are only doingheir job. t All they want is for people to come to Christ. That doesn't mean you have to read the Book Of Mormon, nor do you have to turn away from your own believes or church. These kids are amazing, believe me, I have one of them. She is an amazing young lady, and I love and miss her deeply and everyday that she is gone. But she might be out there, knocking on your door...what will YOU do? What would Jesus do? I for one, I am going to continue to 'mother' the elders and sister who come to visit me. They are NOT trying to convert me, although I know they would love it, so would Angelena and so would my MM friends. But they also know I am deeply spiritual, even though I don't attend church everySunday. They know I have accepted Christ as my savior, and they like my friends accept that. Plus, let's be real here...I won't give up my coffee!~ LOL LOL OH before I forget, my driver chauffeur for the weekend Jaune Osborne Curtis? Well, she took me for my coffee Friday and Saturday night!! Whoot~ Thank you girl~ Anna banana!

A letter from Angelena, so touching!

I normally don't share something so personal as a 'letter' for all to see, but for those with children, we don't often get to hear exactly how they feel about us. This came in the mail today, for me, for Mother's day! Thank you for letting me share with you all! This is my incredible daughter Angelena!

"Mom, 

hi Mom! This is going to be a short letter, but I just wanted to tell you that i love you so much. I am learning so much about myself here.  And I love being a missionary.  You really did raise me well, and you have been an incredible example to me!  I want you to be healthy, so you can be there when I have kids, and teach me how you did it all by yourself! 

You are so strong, and I really do admire you! I feel bad for never expressing my appreciation, or treating you like you deserve.  I hope though, that you do know how grateful I am for you, and how much I love you!

Next Monday I'll have a jam packed day. We are going to the Wisconsin Dells!  So I'll write a longer letter next week in the car on the way there. And, read the email to Lucy, and I will write her very soon! 

I love you so much, Ena"

~~

This was in my Mother's day card:

"Mom, I know this Mother's day is different. but I strangely feel closer to you as I serve my mission! You were right-I miss you like crazy! And I love you so much! I am finding that this period of distance just teaches me about how lucky I am to have you in my life! I am always bragging about how incredible you are as a mother.  You are such an example to me.  You give me such love and support while I am out here,  and I can not do this without you! Thank you for everything mom! You are amazing, I love you! Don't ever forget that!  You are the best mom I could ask for, and as crazy as you drive me, I wouldn't change a thing. ! I am so lucky! I know the pictures in here are not much, but I know you like pictures! 

I love you, Ena" 

Thank you all for letting me share this, I haven't stop crying yet! ;) I guess I need to buy stock in kleenax!  Happy Mother's day to all my family and friends who are moms!

Love you all!

Anna

As Mother's day approaches I have so many emotions!

This is my first Mother's day away from my daughter. My son has been out of the house for several years now. But this is the first one alone. As an empty nester, its a weird feeling.  

I think back to the years I had my own sweet Mom. She's been gone since 2003, and not one day goes by without me thinking about her and her wisdom. Not a day goes by, when I think "I need to tell mom this".   Since my divorce I have had to share certain holidays, its not easy to share. This year is no different, on Mother's day I get a call from Angelena who is in Wisconsin. I will be able to talk to her for 20 minutes and then she will call her dad for the remainder of the 20 minutes. That hurts a little, I must admit. But without him, I wouldn't have her. I know he is just as excited to hear her voice as I am. So I think back on those words my mom gave me once just shortly after we separated (days before Thanksgiving). She said "Anna, does the sun rise and set at the same time everyday?" "Yes". Well, then if you can't have the kids on one holiday, there is always another". Those words were bittersweet, because you don't want to always share! But those words are with me today, as I embark on this road full of journeys. When you are divorced, you must share things like holidays, then there are the weddings, and the greatest joy of all grandchildren!!  So I will gladly share with him this Sunday, so he too can share in her joy with her own journey in Wisconsin!

I also think about what it means to be a "Mom". I don't think I really thought about it. I knew that I just wanted to be 'one'! Its such a huge responsibility to raise a child or children in a world so full of uncertainty especially now. Which I am sure my mom thought that same thing all those years ago! Kids don't come with an instruction manual, that's for sure. 

We start out with our pregnancy. We read all the books on what to expect when. Not one book tells you the truth, its hard work to raise a child with integrity, honesty, a good moral compass, compassion, love, and ethics! I feel we often turn to our own upbringing with our own mothers! Mine was special (as your own mother is too). My mom and dad had 2 children already, and she had one miscarriage. Then one day when my mom was 40 and my dad was 45, they had me! I can only imagine their surprise, because my brother was 17 yrs older and my sister was 16 years older. But they became my best friends growing up. There were no other kids in the neighborhood, so we often played together, and I can't tell you how many tea parties I had under a table with a blanket over the top and both parents sitting there with me! They gave me an awesome childhood. Oh, maybe I might have been a bit spoiled! But they gave me so much more.They raised me with a great moral compass, I have a great work ethic. They gave me compassion, understanding,  empathy, a open mind, and love. 

As I think about my own motherhood, so much comes to mind. I was so nervous with my first one. That poor baby, I know I made all my mistakes trying to figure out my role as a mother. I worried about everything and anything. Is he eating enough, I really need to insist on 2 naps a day. Should I do this or that. I made sure I read to him, sang lullaby even with a not so nice voice, took him places like the museums, zoos because I know the more places you take your child it will open up their minds! Of course there are the up's and downs while being a 1st time parent. The endless nights of getting up to nurse your baby, the crying, the rocking, the diaper changes. They grow up and a whole new set of rules apply. See, the one thing they don't tell you when you are pregnant, once you have everything down, the baby senses that and changes it up on you! You have to keep learning~ hehe! This includes the 2's, 3's (they are insane). By 4, that's the 'magic age' and you are able to communicate with them! They become fun! The years roll on, then those teen years appear...and now you are on a roller-coaster ride!

By the time I had Angelena, there were 9 years, 11 months, and 26 days between them. I had many miscarriages. My doctor at the time said that I had a 0% chance of ever having another baby. So, we accepted that, and went on. I never gave up hope of course. Until that day I found out I was going to have another! Such joy and elation that God had given me a second chance at being a "mom"!  

I have had some heartbreaks with the raising of kids. You get through the kids teasing your child. The teacher conferences, trying  to be the parent who stays calm when hearing something you are totally unprepared for. Then of course the "I hate you mom." That one statement rips your heart out. That is the hardest one. 

Getting divorced was so not in my life plans. When I married it was forever. This was not the plan. I had to change my whole motherhood thing. I had to go back to work. I had to be mom and dad. I had to tell about the birds and bees on my own. I had to tell my son how to tie a tie on his first dance. I had to explain how to 'shave'. This was not in my plan. I had to share my kids with their dad, I had to share weekends and plan on when I could go on vacation. I had to get over my jealousy. I had to relearn my roll as a mom.

I think about all the bumps in the road I have gone through. All the tears I have shed over the years. Watching my son pack up to leave in 2004. Secretly hoping he wouldn't leave. Watching my daughter go live with her dad until she moved back in 2009.   And of course more recently, Angelena leaving for her mission for 18 months.

So, what does God want from me? What is my purpose as a "mother'?  Sometimes I don't know. I thought I knew, we just love our children unconditionally. But, as I have raised 2 kids, its a lot more than that. We nurture them, we teach them, we help them to become their own person so that someday, they too, can raise a decent person. What else does God ask of me? Of course we teach them to pray. 

As I approach this mother's day, I have to keep on praying hard. I have to take a huge leap of faith now that my daughter is out on her mission. Everyday I ask Him "What is it that i need to do? How can I continue to mother my children from so far away? Will you help me replenish my spirit? Can i be of help to others?" This is an ongoing prayer by the way! 

But just as God blessed me with Angelena 21 yrs ago, he continues to bless me still. Maybe being a 'mother' in God's eyes means we feel the blessings each and everyday! My work here is not done, I have years of wisdom that I want to pass on to my grandchildren. In hopes they too will feel the awesomeness of God. 

 Happy Mother's day!

Proverbs 6:20-23: "My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother; bind them continually on your heart; tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk to you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; and reproofs for discipline are the way of life." 

May 1st
This has been an interesting week. So full of everything.

For those of you who don't have your son or daughter serving a mission, this is what it is like for me.

Its a constant roller-coaster of anxiety worry, tears, glee and overwhelming emotions that I can't even explain.

My daughter will be gone from me for 18 months. I can't breathe in her scent, hold her tight for a hug, kiss her gently, feel her forehead for a fever, and most especially hear her say "I love you mom" on a daily basis. Ok, you might be thinking, gee Anna, its not like she is dead! No its not. I have had people tell me, well think of it like college or her just moving away. Just NOT the same. Not at all.

Let me try and explain what I feel during the week. Monday is my daughter's "P" day. Which means she is free to get onto the computer, email all of us back home and update her blog-that is 1 hour per week. She will also write personal letters, which I did get one today! Do you have any clue how hard it is to just 'wait' for the email to get to you? I bet you do not. Let me tell you by the end of Monday I was a hot mess. It wasn't until I got the notification that it had arrived, that I relaxed. I read her email and turned into a puddle of tears. Yeah, I cried, well ok I sobbed. I could hear her sweet voice in my head while I was reading. All everything had come to a halt in my world. There was no thinking about anything else but that.

By the time Tuesday rolled around I had a 4 page letter out in the mail. Yes, 4 pages. I have to time it just right so that her mail gets to her, she can read it and I pray for a response to the questions I have asked. Yeah, that's my whole thought process with this mission she is on.

I also got a letter today, that is better than chocolate and maybe even better than coffee! Yeah, her opening line was Dear mom, I miss you so much! Yeah, I was in tears again. But she said she was fine, eating, safe and happy. This is what we want as a parent right? We want to hear they are fine (even though some evil part of us wants them to say we are so miserable we want back home right?). Yes its because she is a healthy independent young woman. I guess I have added to that. I feel pretty damn good about that!

In the mist of all the ups and downs on my 18 month ride, I found a group on Facebook called "Missionary Momma's" that I have joined. Its a support group for us moms who have a son or daughter out there knocking on doors everyday trying to serve God. They have welcomed me, loved on me, accepted me even though I am a non member of the group. They have even invited me to their retreat in July to meet them! I am totally beside myself with joy. And no, if you are wondering, I am not going to go to be converted! LOL I love my coffee too much!

So I am leaving you with this thought. If you have one of these young adults come to your door and ask to come in to share their believe with you, please don't be mean to them. They are out there everyday from 6 am to 9 pm every day just trying to get someone to love the lord. I know sometimes its an intrusion of your everyday life to open the door to them. But remember this, they are away from everyone that they love doing what they believe is right. You don't have to let them in, but you do have the choice to be kind to them! Please! This could be my daughter you are being hostile to. I have heard stories of kids being spit on, getting yelled at, things thrown at them.Some people want to spout out details of their own religion to them.  Is this the way to be Christ like? NO. Please try and be just a little kinder to everyone this week, so that mom's like myself can rest a little easier!

Anna

A View from the Eyes of a Convert: Wisconsin Friends, Wisconsin Blogs!

A View from the Eyes of a Convert: Wisconsin Friends, Wisconsin Blogs!: My mission blog! Sister Cutler updates this, you will see me on here from time to time, and will be able to see what is going on mission wid...

April 22, 2014

Hi everyone!
Well, just an update here to let you know I have talked to Angelena today! She had a layover in Denver at DIA for a couple of hours and we talked for almost an hour!

She sounds good, although tired from them getting her up at 1 am this morning to get the the Salt Lake Airport. She is not a morning person! LOL Plus, I could tell her blood sugar was running because she had not eaten. We had a great conversation, she called me 'momma' which she has done since she was little. She only refers to me as 'mom or MOTHER" when she is frustrated with me hehe! 

She was full of everything she did while at the MTC, and I got a sense that she is very happy. So with that I am comforted that she will survive, and I guess I will too!

As for me, I got through my first holiday (Easter) without her. I had to work, which occupied 8 hours of my day, even though I was counting down the hours until I went to dinner at my cousin Carol's house with her mom (my only living aunt Joyce) and her siblings and their kids! We had a lovely dinner, and really I was so full I really thought I would explode. I must explain here, my family is full blooded  Italian, and we don't understand the meaning of a 'small' dinner!

I have kept pretty busy with work, that does help. i have the next 2 days off, one of which I plan on doing some genealogy work on my family tree. Believe me that is a process and will take up my day.

Tomorrow, I am going to meet with Carol and we will be doing something! I don't know what, but it doesn't matter, I will be getting out of the house!

I am actually doing pretty well, I have joined a group on Face book called "Missionary Momma's".  A whole group of us who have missionaries out and we are able to give each other a pat on the back and virtual hugs if we need them. 

I do feel the effects of being lonely still. The apartment is fairly quiet except when Bella, Angelena's cat is whining about food. Some days are better, some I feel like crying. But for the most part I feel ok. I was talking with friends all they have all said that I sound good. 

It will be a long 18 months. But I look forward to her emails and weekly letters. I will never look at "Monday" the same way again. That is her "P" day, which means she will email and write letters home (about an hour every week) do laundry, grocery shop and I think have time to lounge around in jeans? Don't know for sure yet, I will have to ask.

For me this week? I plan on some serious Anna time. I plan on reading which I do anyway,maybe finding a family line that I didn't know existed. As spring is approaching, I am thinking getting out and taking photos, which is my passion. I hope to have a buddy with me when I do this, but I am making myself do it alone. I have to reinvent Anna right? 

Be aware, I might sometimes vent on here.  Its not always easy to be alone, but I am learning. I don't like it much, I would rather be sharing my day to day with someone. But that's ok too, I have to be able to be comfortable in my own skin.

I am going now, time to get my day started!

Love, Anna 
PS>Just a photo here, thought you might enjoy the early tulip in my courtyard!